The newly wedded Chengs Part 1

This is the third day Miann and I become a couple. Everything is new to us. Miann is suffering from a cold and taking an afternoon nap now. I have cut my hand yesterday while assembling a fan. Money is another problem to us, considering the bills we have to pay, I might have to cut my expense on toys. Starting from today, I will be praying with Miann every morning and before we sleep. (We usually sleep at the same time.) I really do not know what will happen tomorrow, but might God mercy our souls.

星期六就結婚啦！！！！！

星期六結婚，7：30PM 律師會係酒樓證婚，話左會來既親友記得準時到呀！

失業了！！

Yesterday Kwan told me that her aunts wanted to be in charges of the English Classes I have been teaching, it means that they are letting me go for good. I believe Kwan has to face a dilemma, on the one hand, he knows that I have paid my very best for the classes, on the other hand, he has to face her aunts' pressure about me keep absenting for classes. To say I have missed a lot of classes deserves some clarifications. Half a year ago, while we were going to watch Toy Story 3, Kwan asked me if I was interested in helping him on a Saturday English class. At that time, I was also looking for a job and as a result we have decided we could see if things can work out. Since I was going there on Sat, I wonder if I could gain more experiences by participating in their daily classes on Tuesday and Thursday. I believed I have missed many classes on Tuesday and Thursday because of different emergencies; nevertheless, in these 6 months I have only missed 2 Saturday classes due to sickness.

To me, my promise to Kwan is on the Saturday classes and going to the tutorial on Tuesday and Thursday is just a win win situation. It is modest to say, considering the time and effort I have paid, I am seriously under paid but it is ok to me because I am willing to learn and I am grateful that they have provided me with rooms to learn from my mistakes. However, it is uncall for to say I am irresponsible and keep missing classes. As I have said you can say I miss classes that I am working as a helper but I have not missed a lot of classes that I am in charge of. Of course, one can say that as a whole you miss a lot of classes, but I do not think it is a right way to evaluate the situation. I sympathy them for the reasosn that Parents might give pressure to the center, even they are wrong, just for instance a student missed 3 classes and they think that the tutorial center is liable to that. At this point, I have asked Kwan to issue a notice to the parents so that they have no excuse for that; Kwan replied me that it was the students' obligation to remember when to go to class. So I think it is unfair to say I make things worst, I am just a part of it.

Undoubtedly, I am not a good daily tutor since the very beginning, I have thought too much while dealing with simple and plain exercises; furthermore, I am quite careless and might not have been behaving like a professional. Despite these setbacks at daily classes, I do not think I have not fulfilled my duties at the Saturday classes, I have been responsible to the students, trying my best to prepare exercises that fit their standard and willing to help the students to grow. Maybe to experiences teachers like Kwan's aunt, three students coming from different schools who have a huge gap of English level is not such a big of a deal; however, as a tutor who have experience only in private tutoring, teaching these students is definitely not easy. It is because, basically all three of them are quite poor in English and it is not exaggerate to say that one of them's English standard is worst than a P1 student in good schools. While the other two are typical students who always want to look for short cuts and unwilling to learn. 

I have been advised a few times that what I have prepared are far too difficult for the students. Saying far too difficult to students is not right, it is better to say, it is  far too difficult for one student and quite ok to the rest. (The other 2 can get 60-70% right answers.) For sure, Kwan has expressed that the weakest one is the biggest client and as a result we have to try to motivate her to learn. The question is: HOW? Putting the weakest girl in the group is like putting a rabbit in the cage of a lion. No matter how, either I have prepared things fitting the weakest link's standard or something that she find it difficult, the result is: the other two finish far quicker than her and she still feels frustrated. I would like to know in the coming future how Kwan's aunt handle the situation, I would love to learn from the experience.

It might be true that I have expected too much form them, I have assumed idealistically that they can benefit from my method, which in fact they cannot. But in these 6 months, whenever I received feedbacks from them, I tried my best to find a better way. Just like for the time being, when we are working on tenses, I ask them to first locate the key word, then find out whether the objective noun is singular or plural and finally base on these information to write the answer. I think it is quite a decent way to learn tenses, because, as far as I can see, most students, even they can accurately locate the common words,  might have written a wrong answer because in chinese we seldom distinguish singular from plural. 

To the end, am I complaining? As a matter of facts, partly, since I am looking for jobs now, I have to be grateful that Kwan and his aunts have taught me a lot; however, I do not think everything they said, especially his aunts' comment is justified. (I know Kwan has been behaving patiently and understandable to me and I deeply appreciate that.) In these few months, since I have to work more carefully on grammar it further polish my English, this is an unexpected result. Anyways, God never closes the door without opening a window for you, living in uncertainty with firm mindset, as I have said before might be the homework God has given me.

有時見到人地既DISPLAY，我就會問，點DISPLAY會好睇D？好多COLLECTION個數量係多，但唔見得一定好睇。情況就好似一隊GIRL BAND，10個女仔彈下彈下看落感覺一定不會太差。(Following Barney Stinson from How I Met your mother, this effect is named Spicy Girls effect or Cheer Leaders effects) 係香港生活一個好現實既問題，你屋企可以放到幾多件SS而可以感覺良好？ 我裝修本身做比我D櫃沒預我買SS，所以放KOTO同BOWEN既STATUE／BUST會好看D（基本上係放唔落SS）但係唔知點解，BOWEN D 野比我既感覺係貴又唔靚，反而KOTO個D重好，平靚正。好啦到正題，我而家會做多一個DISPLAY櫃，加埋WINDOW台，應該可以放到7﹣8件SS PF／LB。問題係點放會好看D？ SS2件PF CC放埋一齊感覺重要有D細件D既伴碟，而KOTO大部份既STATUE好似都可以自成一角，BOWEN就好似COMPATIBLE D。我會覺得HOT TOYS既FIGURE加SS D野都幾好睇。好似SS THANOS加HT IRON MAN MK4感覺都幾好。P.S. MIANN好FIRM，唔可以放到好似一堆雜物咁。點做好啦，點做好啦。

On 基督教人文學會 Societies of Humanities and Christianities

I became a member of the society last week and I have decided to terminate my membership today. My first impression to the society is: it is a public forum to discuss Christianity and many of the elite members are well educated. After a brief discussion with one of the founders of the club, Mr. Cheung today (I suppose he has not gotten his PhD yet.) I realized I have been too naïve in assuming the society is trying to provide a place for rational discussion. Surely, Mr. Cheung does not represent the society; but base on the stats I believe it is not overwhelming to say he is THE most important members there.

In these two weeks, I have read most of the new posts there, it is not a secret that Mr. Cheung does not like 明光社, I suppose he hates 明光社 in a sense that you cannot question whether his arguments against 明光社. Yesterday, I have replied to one of their post on 明光社 about traffic allowances, since I knew very little about the details, I just question their metaphysical assumptions. I understood that my question might sound over-simplified; but, I just cannot help but wonder, is it that hard to make a response to a simple question? Then, I was not sure it was co-incidence or what, Mr. Cheung replied my question at another thread, (The thread was there for a few days) which I was asking how a Christian could conceive God in a physical world. He suggested that I have not provided enough grounds for the discussions, using terms that are not reader friendly and suffering from many grammatical mistakes. I agreed with all three of his criticism, for following my original assumption to the society, I go there to learn, share and rationally discuss with other Christians who might have engaged with the discussions. Then make a response claiming we could focus on discussing the objective of my post, on how Christians can conceive God in a Physical world. Then Mr. Cheung replied, basically ignoring what I have asked and suggested that I was not academic enough for the discussion. At the same time, he responded to the thread on 明光社, it was not surprising that once again he just ignored my question and focus on my use of language.

I was deeply disappointed, not because he has found out my mistakes, I know that I have my weaknesses and when I was asking the questions, I was trying to learn more from them, from someone who seems to be having the tolerance to tolerate less elite minds. However, I was wrong, since I am not a physicist who understands how the Law of Large number influences co-incidences, I have to suppose Mr. Cheung is giving me a hard time because I might have expressed a view different from him. If this is true, then I can just say I am sorry for him. I do not see how he is very different from 明光社 that he loathes so much. (Points might need further elaborations) Furthermore, I am sorry for his lake of inspirations as a scholar. It is very common for a scholar, especially being educated by the Anglo-American Philosophy to be both analytical and critical; but I believe, base on the Professors I have encountered at CUHK, a good scholar is someone who criticize you with inspirations. It is not hard to pick a few mistakes from Mr. Cheung’s work by using his logic, for instance in 誰才是福音派？論愛面子的福音派領袖和學者如何輸打贏要 like I have used members there in referring members at the societies, he simply used 福音派 without clarifying what he was trying to point to, was he pointing to 聖公會 only? Or is he discussing Baptist Church also? Put things otherwise, if I do not know the background of his discussions, I do not know what 福音派 refers to, as a result it is impossible for me to comment how I should evaluate his conclusion. However, unlike his criticisms to me, I can get what he was trying to express through his context and I believe this is what matters in an academic discussion.

Lastly, if you are still interested in discussing there, these are my suggestions. Firstly, the society is staying at an academic high ground, unless they fulfill their requirement, you should better shut your mouth. Secondly, Mr. Cheung encourages academic discussion but he dislikes one using difficult academic jargon, so unless you can summarize string theory by folk terms you better not talk about string theory. (It is contingent paradoxical to say one has to discuss something difficult without using academic jargons in a short forum article.) Thirdly, if you do not share the mindset like him, prepare to be punched in the face. Last, to be fair, all other members there are very nice.

放手啦！

I am always feeling insecure, I do not know why I come to be but it is the way I am. I have to calculate everything and take everything in control. Recently, I have fallen into paradoxes again because of some changes in my life, for instance, whether I should work or I should keep studying, whether I have been using God as excuses of not stepping out or it is really the case that I have to be conservative and so on and so forth. All these questions, unlike my friends comment, are neither unnecessary nor because I have over-thought. If we believe God puts us here, it is reasonable to ask, why God puts us here, is our lives purposeless and aimless? If the answer is no, then it is our obligation to examine the purpose of life.

After a short chat with Eva yesterday, I came to realize that, base on my history, God puts me here so that I can learn how to let go. It is not overwhelming to say that God grants me with everything I need, a warm family, a lovable wife to be, a clear mindset capable to pursue academic excellence and a stable income to sustain my living. However, strictly speaking, I am always in between very good and very bad, I  am neither too clever to become a Prof nor too stupid that I cannot engage in academic discussions, neither I am rich enough to do whatever I want nor too poor that I have to work 24 to 7 for a living. Put things otherwise, God always places me in between two polars, I am neither too good nor too bad. I will not die if I do not go to work, but it will be better for me to find a job. I cannot become a Professor but I can conduct my own researches with results.

By using an analogy, I am walking on a string and God’s invisible hands are preventing me from falling onto the ground; however, rather than putting me in a safe spot, God let me keep walking on the string. The lesson I have learnt is that: I have to let go, the tighter I grasp, the more depress I am. I want certainty, it appears to me that God wants me to learn to live in uncertainty with joy. Living in uncertainty with joy, I believe requires great faith, for the simple reason that your faith makes certain the uncertainty, the uncertainty is no longer uncertain because someone guarantees you that you do not have to worry about that. Undoubtedly, it is not a simple lesson, especially for someone who always think too much. Might God bless my soul.

借部相機都唔得？

有時見到我媽媽，我就會問，“對人好，值得嗎？” 今日，我想借部相機影下自己新買的玩具，媽媽由細到大教我，求人不如求己這個想法是對的。做人最好不要去想你負出了多小，因為這樣想只會使自己不開心，正如詩歌所說： 都是不求負出，但求了解人， 接受愛，更加要負出愛好了。